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Reformation of the marriage institution (Vivahonmada: Samasya Aur Samadhana): Vangamaya Vol-60

Marriage is a sacred relationship. It is supposed to conjugate two souls. Marriage institution unites the complementary potentials of man (husband) and woman (wife) so that both together, work for mutual elevation and contribute – as sadgrahastha (ideal married couple), to the healthy development of the family institution and hence to the progress of the society too. Marriage institution also supports and strengthens moral disciplines, which are essential for maintaining social values. In principle, it sets the stout foundation of the development of a good society by cultivating a sense of responsibilities among the married couples (grahasthas).
The union of two would-be life partners for a better future of both – is naturally an event full of hope, enthusiasm and cheerfulness for the concerned individuals, their families, relatives and friends. Collective sharing of the feeling of joy, mutual trust, friendship and co-operation on such occasions is the basic motive behind celebration of weddings. The tradition of celebration of wedding with friends and relatives is also a formal declaration before the society of the fact that the concerned couple has tied the nuptial knot and has thereby accepted the responsibilities and moral disciplines of married life. Incorporation of religious rites in wedding marks the piety and righteous structure of marriage institution. The ideal rites and rituals for such occasions should inspire deeper sentiment of the divine grace of the linkage being set between the two individuals.
The religious nature, moral disciplines, importance and social and psychological relevance of the marriage institution in the modern times are discussed in volume nos. 48 and 61 of this Vangmaya series. The present volume focuses on the misconceptions and the pernicious practices and absurd customs associated with the celebration of weddings – especially in the Indian society today.
Varieties of rituals and modes of celebrating weddings are popular in different parts of the world. However, the diversities and absurdities of the associated customs found in India alone appear to be most significant by every measure. Different components of the Indian society have their own traditions and modes of wedding-celebrations. For most people, following these traditions becomes necessary because of social compulsions or an outcome of pompous status symbol.
The customs of dowry – given from the bride’s side (or the bridegroom’s side, in rare cases) is the worst of the illogical and even inhumane practices observed in majority of traditional Indian marriages…. The vicious combination of avarice and ignorance has worsened the impact of this ‘curse’ on the Indian society. In many cases, because of this evil, marriage has practically become equivalent to ‘an auction of the bridegroom’. The demanding side wants the return of every single penny it has spent on growing the boy and also wants ‘enough’ for the future comforts and luxuries of his family….. The other side too is often seen competing and ‘buying’ the best match for the girl by paying maximum price (dowry). The amount of this deal usually increases with the ‘qualities’ of the boy and the ‘non-qualities’ of the girl.
Educated or illiterate, rich or poor, most people, including those belonging to the so-called modern and westernized sections of the civilized society – are party to this shameful act, either as donors or receivers of dowry. Ironically, even the people, who have faced severe problems in arranging their daughter’s marriage because of dowry, do not hesitate in making any demand before the family of the ‘would be’ daughter-in-law. The average number, per year, of suicides, murders, and similar attempts, resulting from ‘non fulfillment’ of the demands of the boy’s (husband’s), is so high which would make any sensible person feel the pains of humanity through heart. It should make each awaken man and woman furious and ashamed for the absurdities of his own society, which promotes such heinous customs….
Despite being abandoned under law and facing the best efforts of many social organizations, the ‘blot’ of this immoral, inhumane, practice has not been wiped out from the face of Indian society. The custom of dowry coupled with the crazy competition of spending huge sums in gorgeous showoff, fireworks, lavish food, and other ‘celebrations’, during wedding – is indeed the biggest barrier on development of the social and economic systems of India. In Acharya Sharma’s words – “the combination of avarice, cruelty, and stupidity, seen it the wedding celebrations increases poverty, corruption and socioeconomic disparities prevailing in our country…. People, who nurture and propagate such evil ‘traditions’, should be treated as traitors of the nation….”.
The burden of dowry – especially in the middle and lower economic classes, and the maddening craze for ‘status symbol’ – especially in the affluent section of the society, promote corrupt practices in one form or the other. How would one who gets limited salary by honest means and who has no other source of income in possession, marry his daughter(s)? In average case, he sees only two options – let his daughters suffer the agony of ‘ill-omened’ life or, somehow arrange for sufficient money towards dowry, without caring for the morality of means…. On the other extreme, “Who would ‘burn’ hard earned money in pompous shows of gorgeous weddings? Here too, the money and other resources earned by dishonest practices make all the show….
It is pathetic to see that a poor country, where more than half of the world’s second largest population lives below the poverty line, has been suffering the dual attacks of social and economic degradation because of the above evils…. The poor become poorer in somehow arranging the marriages of their daughters. The ignorance and social pressures continue to deprive the girls of their due rights; as a result, almost half the population of this nation of great heritage, is found living like oppressed parasites… Where is the hope for betterment? What is the effective solution? This volume brings positive answers with practical guidance on feasible actions.
In this volume, Acharya Sharma has perspicuously analyzed the roots and grandeur of the insane practices and unethical customs incorporated in celebrations of wedding. His eloquent views, on – how dowry ruins the very purpose of marriage institution and destroys the ideal basis of family institution, must reach every would-be married couple. The touching description of the status of women suffering because of this social evil indeed represents the inner pains of his divine heart….
Acharya Sharma emphasizes the need to cure the roots of the ‘social disease’ of ‘wedding-celebrations infected by dowry and extravagant show’. He prescribes the best remedy as – elimination of ignorance and fear of the masses, refinement of people’s thinking, reorientation of their convictions and faith, and gives substantial practical guidance with live examples in this volume. His words have the power to penetrate people’s mind and convince them through heart that future lies in progressive changes and not in rigid traditions.
He has set shining examples for other social organizations and for the people, who too want to liberate the Indian society from the clutches of dowry, orthodox traditions and mindless ‘religious’ practices observed during weddings. He has implemented what he suggested as comprehensive approach towards refinement of marriage institution in India. The increasing popularity of ideal marriages propagated by his mission (“Gayatri Pariwar”) illustrates his authenticity.
The concept of “ideal-marriage”, proposed by him, appears to be in perfect consonance with the original glory and great purpose of the marriage institution. These marriages are performed free-of-cost and according to the vedic norms, in a matter of few hours. Dowry and expensive arrangements are strictly prohibited here. Mutual compatibility – of the bride and the bridegroom and of their respective families – is given maximum importance here, without any barrier of caste or social status…. The simplicity of the ceremony and authenticity of the religious rites has made this method, popularly known as the “Gayatri Paddhati”, widely acceptable in different classes of the Indian society in a short span of few decades.
The morally charged atmosphere created during above kinds of ideal wedding-celebrations, enlightens all those who attend those functions and thus serves the purpose of expanding social awareness. All those present on the occasion, including of course the newly wedded couple, are asked to pledge to discard and oppose the misdeeds of dowry and expensive weddings…. This collective resolution generates courage among these people as they see that others, similar to them, are capable of contributing towards the reformation of marriage institution in a big way.….
It is the collective responsibility of all of us to improve a system, which is an integral part of our personal, social and national life. Individually, we may not be in a position to do much on the social front, but, we certainly can be one among the many, who propagate the righteous modes guided by the great social reformers of our times. This volume will serve as a living guide, to enable us contribute in the collective effort of resurrecting the system of ideal marriages – which will be the greatest service of our society today.