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Married life: an ideal phase for ascetic practices (Grihastha : Eka Tapovana): Vangamaya Vol-61

The grahastha ashrama is that phase of life in which one is supposed to enjoy married life, look after the family and children’s development and also contribute to the materialistic growth of the society. It is in this ashrama that one has to make best use of his or her potentials on multiple fronts of the responsibilities of personal, professional, familial and social life. The importance of this ashrama has been admired by the rishis – the scholarly sages, experts of the philosophy and science of human life, as – “dhanyo grasthashramah”. All the other ashramas, associated with the other three major phases of human life, depend upon this ashrama , like a living being depending upon his mother.
The structure and strength of the family institution and hence of the society too resides on the foundation of grahastha ashrama. In its ideal form, this ashrama architects the future of the society, the nation, and the world as a whole by producing ideal citizens of its successive generations. This phase of married life is like a laboratory for practical training and experience of cooperative coexistence and co-development along with collective sharing of love, success, responsibilities, sorrows, and the gamut of other sentimental expressions and activities of human life…. It is only in this ashrama that one naturally learns to love, care, tolerate, compromise, and sacrifice for others without any selfish or ascetic motive. The best lessons of service and sharing are also learnt and brought in practical use during this ashrama.
Healthy, happy and progressive coexistence cannot be achieved without sacrificing the egotist and selfish attitude. The key to successful married life lies in the hands of both the husband and the wife. Each one has to respect and understand the other. The glory attributed to the grahastha ashrama in the Indian culture can be realized only if the life-partners care for the health, happiness and progress of each other and also support mutual elevation in intellectual, mental and spiritual domains.
The principles and disciplines prescribed for this ashrama under the Indian culture and philosophy of life are based on the in-depth analysis of the complications of human psychology and varied circumstances of life in general. These, if followed sincerely, ensure ideal success of married life. How these could be adapted in the present times, under increasing pressures of the modern circumstance of life, is guided by Acharya Sharma in this volume. The meaning, purpose, and necessity of the marriage institution are also discussed here with elucidation of the enormous boons that could be offered by disciplined married life, where, sexual desire is transmuted into serene love, cheerful co-operation and enhanced vital energy.
If we look at the status of the marriage institution today, we largely see the contrast of what it is supposed to be by the original definition of the grahastha ashrama. Marriage today is mostly viewed as some sort of a ‘contract’ for mutual comfort and security, or as a socially approved license for satisfying uncontrollable concupiscence. Expression of love between the wife and the husband has, for the majority of people today, practically become synonymous with sexual indulgence for physical proximity and carnal pleasure.
In the societies like the post medieval Indian society, ‘marriage’ often means a right, granted by the society to the husband and his relatives, for exploitation of the wife and her family. The weapon of dowry plays a predominant role in such adversities. The roots and magnitude of the social problems caused by the social evil of dowry and its poisonous effects on the delicacy of the marriage institution are critically discussed in detail in the previous volume of this series along with adept guidance for viable solutions. Information on the feasibility and popularity of a new mission of ideal marriages is also cited there in this context.
The attitude of a couple towards the morality, discipline and piety of the marriage institution has significant, though subtle, impact on the environment of life of the concerned individuals and the psychological development of their children too…. The split in family institution, social anarchy, and the increasing crime rates, mental and physical abnormalities and weaknesses of one kind or the other, found in the children today – are the natural consequences of the ignorance, shaken faith and negligence of people towards the philosophy and disciplines of grahastha ashrama.
The ignorance of the married couples about the disciplines of healthy sex, not only results in uncontrolled growth of population, It also weakens the physical and mental health of both – the husband and the wife. The wife has to bear multiple burdens as she also loses her strength with the delivery of each child…. The pernicious impressions of the medieval era – where, women were treated as mere tools of sensual pleasure of the men and thousands of wives and mistresses were kept like animals in the harems of the lusty kings and the perverted riches…., have not been wiped out completely…
In many parts of the world, women are still treated as second grade citizens. How can one expect progressive movement of the reformation of marriage institution in a society where one wheal of the ‘cart’ of married life is smaller and weaker than the other? On the other extreme, is the case of “women liberation”, misinterpreted in some sections of the ultra modern societies, as the liberty of exposition of woman’s body. Excessive attention to the bodily charm and looks…., in the crazy world of advertisements and modeling, on the one hand, and the passion for free-sex in the ‘forward’ and ‘advanced’ generations of such societies, on the other, have caused equal harm to the ideal basis and purpose of the marriage institution.
The social impact of diminishing dignity of the marriage institution and of the broken families is discussed with authentic reports in volume 48 of this series. The focus of the present volume rests mainly on marriage – as a vital relationship, a discipline, a source of reaching great goals of life vis-à-vis the psychological and social relevance of the grahastha ashrama. The thorough views of Acharya Sharma on “grahastha ashrama – as a yoga” presented here make this volume more distinct and precious.
A perspicuous analysis of the multitude of interconnected problems associated with the marriage institution is presented here with relevant review of the social, economical, religious, educational and psychological facets of direct or indirect influence. Possible solutions are discussed with inspiring guidance on refinement of people’s mentality towards the marriage institution.
The author also trenchantly criticizes the misdeeds of orthodox traditions, which are based on deliberate misinterpretations of the religious scriptures and emotional exploitation of the delicacy of the marriage institution. His perfect hold on human psychology enables him present the facts with vivid power of expression, which can penetrate even the rigid minds and stony hearts and inspire the latter to change their outlook and mode of living in concordance with the inherent serenity, beauty and responsibilities of married life.
Acharya Sharma’s sagacious discussions of – “how a disciplined married life is a perfect yoga”, would enlighten every thoughtful mind about how a balanced, duty-bound, healthy and progressive married life is also the best phase of life for psychological and spiritual refinement and rise. He has cited many real life examples to illustrate the practicalities. His married life itself stands as a shining example of how the highest realms of spirituality could be achieved in the ideal grahastha ashrama. It is indeed in the fitness of the things that the essence of the philosophy and modalities of the grahastha ashrama are presented here by his lucid pen.
This volume should motivate people to elevate their own potentials, become better persons in all respects and ontribute to the glorious progress of the society by observing the moral disciplines of the grahastha ashrama described here. The deliberations of Acharya Sharma on “grahastha as yoga”, would also add to higher level interdisciplinary research in the fields of sociology, psychology and the science of spirituality and yoga.